she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think a kid would responsible me up
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
