Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
