You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My ass is underappreciated
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
