I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
