i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
