I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
