I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
