i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
