I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
