She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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