Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
