oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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