i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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