He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
