In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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