he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
