This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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