Pants 0. Shit 1.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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