I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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