I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
