sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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