I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
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that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
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you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How naked do you want me to be?
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