you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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