the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
