drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
birth control should be required to get into college
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
