I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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