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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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