He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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