u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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