i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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