I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
