Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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