foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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