i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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