Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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