I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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