Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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