Me. At least after what I've been through.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
