Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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