Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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