Your face is a jimmy john
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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