apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
