Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
