two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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