things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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