So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
