dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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