I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
