Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house