I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
