On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
