hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
