Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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