So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
