There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
