he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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