I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
