I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
