Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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