they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
