I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
