Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize