We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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