So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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