yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.