so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies