I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
