so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.