No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket