I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night