The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN