Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?