I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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