I faked an abortion last night.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
