were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
