I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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