i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
