I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
