It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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